Her personal maidservant, the first she had ever had in her life, was joyful for her. —"A famous university," observes Ned Ward, in the London Spy, "where, if a man has a mind to educate a hopeful child in the daring science of padding; the lightfingered subtlety of shoplifting: the excellent use of jack and crow; for the silently drawing bolts, and forcing barricades; with the knack of sweetening; or the most ingenious dexterity of picking pockets; let him but enter in this college on the Common Side, and confine him close to his study but for three months; and if he does not come out qualified to take any degree of villainy, he must be the most honest dunce that ever had the advantage of such eminent tutors. Accounted extremely pretty in her youth, her features and person expanded as she grew older, without much detriment to their original comeliness. When she had finished the first tale, there was a sense of disappointment. Shocked and appalled, she brought her left knee up fast, ramming his testicles swiftly. Wood could stand it no longer. "So much the better," rejoined Sir Rowland. The worst was over now. Some doting parent had taught him well. “I think,” he said, “that you have found the real home of the lotus-eaters. Socks and shoes were harder to find, and she ended up wearing men’s athletic tube socks and a pair of dust caked flip-flops that had sat forlornly in Locker 49 since 1978. A deep dread calm, like that which precedes a thunderstorm, now prevailed amongst the assemblage.
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